just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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