I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Randomize
