I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Randomize
