He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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