i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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