Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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