How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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