we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize