Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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