Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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