so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
