i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
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I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
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He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
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