The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
