At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
