I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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