she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
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