i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
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