I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
