the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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