I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
