It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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