didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
