Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
