Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Randomize
