I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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