Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
