dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
