I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
