After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
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Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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