i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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