Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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