Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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