Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Randomize
