We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
