I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
