I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
He kissed a someone with a penis
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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