I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
