yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
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I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
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If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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