listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Randomize
