I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
