and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
