Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
