I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
