i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
