Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
