dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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