Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
