is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
