Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
