just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I want to fling myself into the sun
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
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