Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
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we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
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i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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