I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
