Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
