community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
