Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
