covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
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