I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
