Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
