so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
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just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
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Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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