ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
