broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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