i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
We had sex on a dog bed..
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
