just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
