FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
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I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
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Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
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