you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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