You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
