He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
