I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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