Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
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