"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
