dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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