textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
