I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
