on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
